DAVIS, CA – In a stunning announcement today, the University of California, Davis revealed that it would be retiring its current team nickname, the “Aggies," in favor of a new name that better reflects the school's commitment to undergraduate students and the hefty tuition bills they pay.
Effective immediately, the university's new nickname and mascot will be the “Ca$h Cow$.” The decision was reportedly made after a lengthy debate among university administrators about how to best celebrate the financial contributions of out-of-state and international students.
"We felt it was important to honor our biggest contributors," said Chancellor Dairy Dismay. "We want our students to know that they're not just a number, they're a dollar sign," added Dismay. "And what better way to show them that than by making our mascot a literal representation of the financial burden they're shouldering?"
Reaction to the news was mixed on social media, with some observers praising the university for embracing its financial realities, while others criticized the decision as cynical and tone-deaf.












