City Council August 30 Meeting – Mafia Bosses Post-Meeting Review

By David L. Johnson

The following article is a satire on the August 30, 2022, meeting of the Davis City Council. At the meeting, the council voted 5-0 to relocate the existing zipline in Arroyo Park in west Davis to another location in the park. The zipline is used by children but its use causes a sharp metallic noise which has disturbed neighbors. The statements in the article may or may not be true.

Highlights

• City of Davis Consigliere Inder Khalsa argued that using a child recreation facility – the Arroyo Park zipline – is analogous to free speech cases decided by the U.S. Supreme Court. Attorneys at CNN were perplexed by the Davis attorney’s comments. One legal analyst questioned whether Khalsa had walked into the wrong meeting.

• Mafia boss Michael Webb and Capo Dale Sumersille came up with a novel reason why the city’s initial public outreach to the Arroyo Park residential community about the zipline was botched and violated the city’s own policy notification requirements: It was COVID! This was the first time that the COVID card had been played. City staff apparently ran out of elixir oil.

• Both of the sound measuring companies hired by the city used 55 dBA in their written reports as the cut-off for violating the city’s noise ordinance. The two companies were touted as experts in their field and city staff concurred, at the time, with the 55 dBA maximum. Out of the blue, city council members and staff started using 75 dBA as the maximum noise limit. HUH? The noise consultants never mentioned 75 dBA.

For example, here is a quote from the March 1, 2022, report provided to the city from Acoustics Group, Inc:

“The noise level at the existing Sky Track location would be as high as 57.2, 55.5, and 66.3 dBA at NM1, NM2, and NM3, respectively, when teenagers operate the equipment. At NM1 and NM2 the noise from daytime and nighttime operations would exceed the City of Davis Daytime and Nighttime Standard of 55 and 50 dBA, respectively.” 

Pick a number, any number!

• In public and televised testimony, Davis citizen and Mafia Associate XXXXX continued their QAnon-fueled diatribes toward Janet and Joe Krovoza with rude and unfounded accusations. Rumors in west Davis were running rampant that XXXXX was moving to Mar-a-Lago, Florida, where their opinions would be better appreciated and rewarded.

• None of the mob associates at the meeting mentioned that the Davis noise ordinance desperately needs to be re-written. Two key sections – 02.020 and 24.020.030 – are at best confusing and, at worst, in conflict. Consigliere Inder Khalsa admitted there was ambiguity in the law but kept referring to free speech issues about the zipline, a toy used by children.

After the city council meeting, Don Corleone contacted this reporter and provided the following statement, “Mafia headquarters has banned the Davis chapter from future activities. We will not tolerate gross incompetence in our ranks.”